Edinburgh Fringe 2024
Why am I (still) like this?
Nicole Nadler / High Heels and Heavy Suitcases Productions
Genre: Solo Show, Storytelling
Venue: The Space @ Surgeon’s Hall
Festival: Edinburgh Fringe
Low Down
This is a genuine attempt by someone with a condition to explain the effect of that condition, it is performed as a solo piece with some voiceover which helps a great deal to put us not, in their shoes but in their orbit of understanding.
Review
As the lights dim and darken from behind us enters a human dynamo, Nicole, into the room and mounts the stage. There is then an impressive opening monologue delivered at such speed that we are opened up to the pace at which she lives a life. As an introduction to living with the condition it is fine, but theatrically it could be a tad shorter and more than standing with your hand in the air.
But this is not a seasoned pro as she tells us she has never done anything like this before. But she is an actor, and she is a performer so you can see where that craft has been put to good use – when Nicole is storytelling rather than ranting. She is a consummate storyteller. There is shift in her focus, pace changes, poignancy punched high, and episodes of mania shown to be… manic.
I am sure that there are many people who will listen to or watch Nicole and have identification with her experiences on behalf of a member of their family and I can safely join that group. There were times when I recognised behaviours that people close have exhibited and felt that this was a show that talked to me. I was sure that I was not alone in that. But this is oh so much more than just a share at an anonymous convention. It is a theatrical expose of the effects of a condition that increasingly – having believed it was a male disease – we find it is a human condition as more and more women are being diagnosed and finding solace in that.
There is more however than solace on offer here, there is experience and when telling the tales of missing the bus, thanks Avril Lavigne, or of trying to keep a toxic relationship alive or at work when she was losing her job – this is when it really hits the dramatic button full force. These examples do more than give some form of authenticity, the struggle of the person comes out and Nicole feels real. Mixed with the voiceovers it brings a personality onstage which is an attractive proposition to us all.
Talking to the mirror is also a neat theatrical trick as well as emphasising without over claiming the importance of redefining through language how people are strategizing and reimagining their struggles. Perhaps the best element is when success has brought its own challenges. Nicole becomes overwhelmed as an individual of the collective approbation of the many and it is beautifully done. Sympathy is exuberant because I knew she had not found a cure and she will always be like this. And that is fine. And it is good. But Nicole does not need me or anyone else to tell her that – she knows.
I came across this by chance and aside from serendipity, was grateful that I did. Theatrically it not only works because of its structure or the engaging presence of Nicole but also because this is a topic which needs – deserves – the experiences of those who have it to make those of us who do not, understand better. I shall strive now, to do better.
